High Steaks Grudge Match!

B-Ball Misfits Bet 11 Lucky’s Chicago Dogs and a Sizzler Combo Platter

(AP) Miami, FL 02162011 15:42 GMT – Eleven is certain to become Big Roan Cohen’s lucky number as he and embattled numbers cruncher Leslie Elliot Dolin have raised the stakes for their much-anticipated October 7, 2012 (in the vicinity of) Soldier Field basketball grudge match to 11 Chicago Dogs and a Sizzler Combo Platter.

“I’m letting him off the hook by making it an 11-Chicago Dog deal,” the 59-year old Cohen told several dozing reporters this morning.

“At Lucky’s Hot Dogs on U.S. 441 and Stirling Boulevard in Dania Beach, Florida – if you buy ten dogs you get an 11^th sandwich for free,” the rapidly aging Cohen explained.

“So after I humiliate Dolin in our best of seven series, all he has to do is pay for ten of Lucky’s delicious, succulent dogs.  I threw in the Sizzler Combo Platter as a loss leader to give the troglodyte some incentive to vary his dining experiences should I die or become incapacitated before our 2012 series.”

Cohen leads the 39-year nearly annual series 38-1, his one loss coming in a bizarre forfeiture after he dropped his car keys down a trash chute at a Wolfie’s hot dog stand in Chicago.

 Cohen (L) and Dolin (R) During Their Much Younger Days

‘We sifted through 50 gallon bags of trash for three and a half hours back in 1981,” Cohen mused.  “And I never found the damn keys.  I came away from the experience with no damn car keys and a silver dollar-sized mustard stain on my brand new Fruit of the Loom T-shirt.”

The formerly Big Red Cohen said that Dolin invoked an arcane codicil in their basketball series bylaws that calls for an immediate forfeiture if one of the ne’ers do-well happens to have a mustard stain on his (or its) shirt and said mustard stain is discovered by his (or its) opponent.

“Cohen’s got it all wrong!” said a recalcitrant yet dastardly Dolin.  “The rule states, and I quote:  If one of the contestants spots a mustard stain on the shirt of his adversary, and clearly states: ‘you’ve got a spot on your shirt,” causing the other combatant to look down at said spot, and an immediate bitch slap on his chin follows, an immediate forfeiture to the most proximal series contest is hereby invoked.”

“Bite me,” Cohen retorted before hastily calling an end to the impromptu press conference.

The 40^th Anniversary Edition of the Cohen v. Dolin One-on-One Basketball Series will begin at an undisclosed location in the vicinity of Soldier Field one day following the October 6, 2012 University of Miami – Notre Dame football game, also in Chicago.

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