Hollywood, FL (AP) - 09:37 EDT - Ten pounds lighter (as the result of the surgical puncturing of his grotesquely swollen left testicle), Leslie Elliot Dolin took to the basketball courts at an LA Fitness gym in Hollwood, showing a frightened spectator why he's an early prohibitive underdog to win the next battle of the roundball Titans (Cohen v. Dolin) set for the storied Hollywood Park in Chicago on October 6, 2012.
Demonstrating a panoply of rim-rattling shots, the unguarded Dolin hit on 2 of 17 attempts from the field and was perfect (1-1) from the free throw line, showing nerves of steel after falling to the floor in a tangled mass of simian arms and legs, slowly rising to his feet unaided, then calmly swishing the safety shot. After surviving what is believed to be the first self-fouling incident ever called in a one-man shoot around, Dolin declared himself: "Mentally prepared to shellac Cohen," while admitting that after more than 45 years of hard drinking and intermittent recreational drug abuse, he needed a few more practice sessions to round into shape.
What is sure to be a classic video featuring play-by-play by a former KESR Lone Pine, California announcer, and spiced by an exclusive interview with Vegas odds maker, Lefty Goniff-Mohel, reveals that the 60-year old Dolin has lost little of the hapless form that propelled him to near-legendary futility during his salad days as the guaranteed last selection in any neighborhood pickup game..
Don Cohen, Dolin's opponent for the 2012 grudge match declared that he was "sickened by the sight of that little troglodyte darkening the courts at my favorite LA Fitness gym."
"It was a horrifying spectacle," Cohen declared. "Unlike Dolin, I have too much pride to make a public appearance until I'm svelte and powerful," he said. "Dolin made me sick and I had to take the spectator to the psych ward at Hollywood Memorial Regional Hospital, He thought he was seeing an ugly little ape man from Mars, for chrissakes!"
"I tried to reassure him,"Cohen claims. "I explained that Martians aren't likely to be so ugly, but that didn't seem to calm him down."
Cohen has scheduled his one-man shoot around for September 31 of this year. Stay tuned to this blog for special ticket discount offers and vouchers for free Chicago Hot Dogs from a local South Florida eatery to be named later.
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